Film Review: Dark Shadows

I've never heard of a soap opera-to-film adaptation until I saw Tim Burton's Dark Shadows. I now see why they are not a regular occurrence!

The story begins with the back-story of Barnabus Collins (Johnny Depp), who is truly in love with Josette (Bella Heathcote). The only problem is that his previous lover Angelique (Eva Green) is incredibly jealous about this relationship. Inconviently for the lovebirds, Angelique just happens to be a witch and curses Collins' family, sends Josette off a cliff and turns Barnabas into a vampire. Not satisfied at that point, she rallies a mob that buries Barnabas in a coffin.

Fast-forward two centuries, Barnabas is released from his prison into an era totally alien to him - the 1970's. He returns to the family home to find his home inhabited by his descendant Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer), her daughter Carolyn (Chloe Grace Moretz), her brother Roger (Jonny Lee Miller), Roger's son David (Gulliver McGrath) and his shrink Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter). A new addition to the household is David's new governess Victoria (Heathcote again), with whom Barnabus is instantly taken with due to her resemblance to his former lover Josette.

Upon learning that his family has been at war with Angelique (who has taken to running a fish canning factory), Barnabas decides to end the curse upon his family and challenge her. However it seems she is still (or more so) the spitefully spurned lover she was two hundred years ago and subsequently isn't willing to go without a fight!

Unaware of the existence of pornography in the 1970s, Barnabas uses alternative methods to get his kicks

With soap-operas there is often a pursuit of several storylines simultaneously that can develop fantastically, if well written, over a period of time. Being limited to a film Dark Shadows doesn't haven't this luxury and as a result there is a serious lack of depth to the story and the direction is very skewed. Whilst is starts quite promising at the first half, the core plotline seems lost for most of the latter half when Barnabus takes on his family's struggles and challenges Angelique. The ending seems rushed and, quite frankly, cheap.

Regarding the acting, only one person truly stood out for me and it wasn't Johnny Depp. Eva Green's portrayal of the manipulative villain is really the only thespian related treat - she's slick, seductive and downright sinister. Depp, in Burton related projects as of late, is becoming stale and unchallenged - otherwise he is a fantastic actor. But Burton has lately made Depp very one-dimensional and I don't enjoy watching their collaborative efforts as a result this.

Visually, it's typical of Burton. Dark and eerie, yet juxtaposed with colour, kitsch and vibrance. But his visual style just caves to the erratic and sometimes illogical nature of the film. Perhaps a TV series adaptation would've best suited Burton's true vision for this film. 

Film Review: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Four days and seven hours ago, I took in a viewing of the film adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's novel, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. This is a decision I very much regretted.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter sets itself in an fictional retelling of one of America's greatest historical figures.  In this version however, the mother of Abraham Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) was murdered by the vampire Jack Barts (Marton Csokas) after they dared to defend black slaves (who apparently are vampires preferred choice for feasting because no-one cares about them). Set for revenge, Lincoln aims to eliminate the vampire who wronged him only to find he his grossly out-matched. He is saved by Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper with a god-awful bouffant), who trains him montage-stylee to be a vampire hunter.

Lincoln is then dispatched to Springfield, Ohio where he will prepare to face the vampire that killed his mother in due time. Here Lincoln meets his future wife, Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) who is completely and utterly oblivious to his vampire hunting ways. It's during his time in Springfield that he becomes more politically active, believing that to be the true way is to abolish slavery - which no doubt upsets the father of all Vampires, Adam (Rufus Sewell).

It may be hard to believe but silver-tipped axes and top hats were indeed all the rage in 1827

The problem with the film is that it takes itself far too seriously. If it was somewhat light-hearted in it's approach to the plot, you might have been able to embrace it more. For example, when Lincoln's only child dies I felt absolutely nothing, yet this part is supposed to be a driving moment that causes Lincoln to return to his true axe-wielding, vampire hunting ways. But as I said, I felt jack shit about his little bambino biting the dust. In fact you care for no-one in this film, not even the titular character.

When I look back on it, there was also a fair bit of moralising. I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but slavery provides a strong political undertone in this film. And had it been any good I guess I wouldn't have a problem with it. Yet it wasn't, and at that point it just becomes quite offensive and almost makes a complete and utter mockery of one of America's most poignant moments in history - The Emancipation Proclamation.

In fairness the acting was decent. Indeed, Walker makes for a very convincing Abraham Lincoln. However, characters with uninspiring dialogue and no depth are just not worth anyone's attention no matter how well they're portrayed.

Maybe this should have been adapted as a TV series that could rival the current crop of cheesy gorefest vampire dramas such as True Blood. A period piece pitted against the modern whiny lot. And perhaps if it didn't take itself too seriously it might have had a chance. Sadly it's just one of those films where it's so bad, it's just plain bad.

Film Review: The Cabin In The Woods

The Cabin in The Woods -You think you know the story.

I actually I don't. Well, I mean I didn't when went I went to Ultra Culture's advanced screening for The Cabin In The Woods a few weeks back.

It's hard to write a review for a film like this without massively spoiling it for any readers (yes, I know people read this blog...mainly Russians!).  So here's the basic jist:

Five college students - Dana (Kristen Connolly), Jules (Anna Hutchinson), Holden (Jesse Williams), Curt aka Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Shaggy..er, I mean Marty (Fran Kranz) - go of to a cabin (apparently it's in the woods!) for a nice retreat. All is well until they venture down the basement and start meddling with a hoard of artefacts that were conveniently arranged there. When Dana starts reading a diary of a girl that allegedly lived in the cabin decades ago, she inadvertently awakens the entire deceased family who set out to kill those damn meddling kids!

So the kids haul ass into the Mystery Machine and try to get the hell out of there. But the powers that be just won't make it that easy for the poor buggers. And it becomes evidently clear that, regarding the terror they face, there's more than meets the eye (cue Transformers intro).

Who needs Thor and his mighty hammer Mjolnir when you have Shaggy and his mighty coffee-flask/bong/bat?

I must say, I quite liked the casting of this film. Whenever I see a horror film there's usually someone I want to die - usually it's warranted by the fact that their screaming is too high-pitched or that they're utterly useless and therefore they would the world an ounce of good if they just ceased to exist. But this time round I wanted everyone (cue Gary Oldman in Leon) to escape!

It seems everyone is saying how The Cabin In The Woods is a game-changer and breaking all the conventions, or at least trying to. I honestly don't know who started this whole "horror-genre conventions" nonsense but it's really starting to piss me off. I want a list of the conventions, typed out in Arial 12pt with double line spacing, messaged to me so that I can study it and then perhaps take an ACCA/CIMA-esque exam on all the horror conventions so that I can become fully qualified to comment on it. Then I can tell all the nay-sayers to shut up.

The only thing that The Cabin In The Woods is trying to to be is different and I certainly found it entertaining (and so far one of the better films of the year). This game-changing nonsense (and comparisons to video games included) is getting wholly tiresome, as is the whole horror genre itself at the moment. Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon are just trying to give the genre a little adrenaline shot.

I do wish that the film had been released shortly after it was made in 2009. Horror films aren't as popular, nor as central to modern culture as their 90's counterparts were to their time. Scream broke the norms because horror films were the norm in the 90s. But in 2012 the horror genre is very mixed and not as repetitive. Sure, you have endless sequels now to Paranormal Activity and Saw but those two stand alone in their own right and are not even comparable. Had it been released in 2009 it would have probably gone head-to-head with Sam Raimi's Drag Me To Hell, and then would have probably earned more gravitas for being a "game-changer" so to speak. Maybe The Cabin In The Woods is to the horror genre as The Artist is to old Hollywood - a beautiful homage?

By all means I encourage you to see The Cabin In The Woods. Even if you loathe the horror genre I'm sure you'll find some aspects of the film highly entertaining. Plus, if you're reading my blog I doubt you have anything better to do.

Film Review: The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists

My plan to see The Hunger Games was scuppered two weeks back when a friend politely film-blocked me (i.e. she told me that she would prefer that I see the film with her, instead of without). Since I dare not refuse her request (she is not someone I would like to upset for fear of physical abuse that may come my way), I was left with really one option at that time - The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists.

The Aardman Animations adaption of the book series by Gideon Defoe is set around The Captain Pirate (voiced by Hugh Grant) and his motley crew of mismatched pirates. His ambition for many years has been to win the coveted Pirate of the Year Award - which is determined by the size of one's booty.  I'm refering to their treasure, not their tush. Sadly for the Pirate Captain, his pales in comparison to that of Peg-Leg Hastings (Lenny Henry), Cutlass Liz (Salma Hayek) and arch-rival Black Bellamy (Jeremy Piven).

Possibly the only time I've ever found Hugh Grant remotely attractive

His ego heavily bruised by their sucess causes his no.2, Pirate with a scarf (Martin Freeman), to motivate him to loot some ships so that he can claim what he desires so much. After a string of failures, the crew chance upon a science ship featuring Charles Darwin (David Tennant). Darwin notices that the ship's beloved parrot is indeed a Dodo, making it worthy discovery to present to the Royal Society, which would hopefully result in riches galore thus earning Pirate of the Year. Problem is the event takes place in London, home to Queen Victoria (Imelda Staunton) - who royally loathes pirates!

It's been 12 years since I last saw the first Aardman feature film, Chicken Run, in cinemas. To cater to the modern generation, and to probably makes things a bit easier for the animation studio, they have again used CGI (first use was in 2006's Flushed Away). Nonetheless, the stop-motion animation is what takes centre stage here. Recent children's films are now dominated with computer animation productions, save for Studio Ghibli productions and Disney's return to 2D with The Princess and the Frog in 2009. So it was really heart-warming for me to see that stop-motion animation can still hold its own in the market today.

The film is voiced by some of the most well know British actors. I must say I was a little thrown off to find Bellamy was voiced by Jeremy Piven - he's quite a world away from his usual Entourage. Hugh Grant isn't his usual plummy self in The Pirates! which I glad for but, in all honesty, none of the voice acting really stands out. If a sequel were to be made I'm sure they could easily replace the cast and no-one would really care or notice.

The Pirates! is definitely not a scratch on Aardman's greatest feat Wallace and Gromit: The Wrong Trousers but that's not to say that it's not enjoyable in it's own right. It totally plays to the current children film tatic of jokes for both the kids and adults. The grown-ups will dig the scientific references whilst the children will no doubt lap up the silly shenanigans of the crew. It may not be the sharpest cutlass in the galley but it's defintely got a lot of shine to it - and that's enough for me to admire it.

Film Review: 21 Jump Street

I've made it to late March and 21 Jump Street has to be first remake/adaptation of 2012 that I've watched. Shocking, isn't it? With the endless foreign film/comic/book adaptations that pollute Hollywood these days, you really have to count yourself lucky if you manage to catch something that's original and good, as opposed to re-makes - which tend to be regurgitated crap (and usually have nothing on the original). 21 Jump Street seems to have bypassed this rule.

The film centres around two cops, once polar opposites back in their school days but are now thick as thieves today. Problem is they have a hard time properly busting thieves along with all the other bad guys. As a result of their combined incompetence, they're sent to take part in the 21 Jump Street program - going undercover as school students to bust the supply system of a new drug that is blighting local schools.

A verbal gaffe in the principal's office results in them adopting the wrong undercover identities. Morton Schmidt (Jonah Hill), the awkward outcast as a teen, is now supposed to be the cool kid. Greg Jenko (Channing Tatum), the former prom king, is now the unlikely science geek (much to his chemistry teacher's delight).

The reboot of the Police Academy franchise looks promising...

I don't imagine Hill being particularly popular at school (therefore embracing the cool kid life with arms wide open) nor do I imagine Tatum being anything but the school jock at his (hence his frustration at actually having to concentrate in class seems genuine) . It doesn't matter though because the chemistry between the two is what makes this film tick. I lamented in my review of This Means War that Chris Pine and Tom Hardy make and unlikely pair. In 21 Jump Street, Hill and Tatum are effortlessly the dynamic duo.

I do worry for Dave Franco however. Not only does he have older brother James to contend with for film roles, but it seems that already he's being typecast as the high school twat (played one in Fright Night). Maybe being a douche just comes easy to the Franco boys?

Toilet humour is abound in this film (one scene does indeed feature an actual toilet!). The film tag line itself is "The only thing getting blown tonight is their cover". Smooth. Yet the depraved humour that runs predominately throughout is the film is what makes it such a hit. I almost had tears coming out of my eyes when the undercover brothers take the drug in question, resulting in undeniably hilarious consequences.

I've not seen the original mostly because I'm currently on the right side of 30. So I can't compare. Even if I had though, I wouldn't. This is a film that represents the current generation living the social networking era, where trends last as long as Kim Kardashian's marriage. Whilst the trends of today might alieniate the majority of the population, this is a film that all of mankind can relate to - old and new.

Film Review: This Means War

Two hot guys? Check! One cute chick? Check! Annoying female friend giving advice (which should always be ignored) about your love life? Check! Why, it seems we have all the ingredients for a rom-com here!

The basic jist of this romantic action comedy is that two CIA agents end up falling head over heels in love with a girl and then make a "gentleman's agreement" to fight fair for the girl's affections.

The stupidly christened FDR (Chris Pine) is the standard club-going womanising sleaze. Tuck (Tom Hardy) is the emotionally deep one - which is odd since he's British, you would expected him to be the emotionally constipated one. And Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) - she's your typically cute, hard-working, successful gal who for some blasted reason just so happens to be very unlucky in love. Throw in some Sade and this isn't really an action-romantic-comedy, it's a straight-up rom-com.

FDR and Tuck are unsure about the penis enlargement tool they bought on the internet so decide to test out on someone else first

I remember the trailer being very choc-a-bloc of action. It was a ruse by the director McG to lure men to the cinema. There's less guns-a-blazing here and more hands-a-holding. In my screening, the film managed to be littered with giggles from various groups of girls, whilst the men remained unsurprisingly quiet. This a decent enough film for a girlie evening with friends or perhaps a date night. But for the group of dudes looking for some mad-capped action sitting behind me - I think they were a tad disappointed!

The casting is a true oddity. I think whoever was in charge of that had only one criteria - cast actors with insanely intense, bright eyes. Whilst Witherspoon is already prepped for the romcom genre, Hardy and Pine don't quite come accross as your standard comedy tag team duo. They've got the bromance down to a tee, sure, but I can't quite picture them as CIA partners. Individual lone agents, yes, but definitely not partners.

It's predictable. Did you really expect a film like this to be laden with clever plot twists? It's cheesy, clumsy but yet there's still some light-hearted entertainment. I did indeed laugh at some of the gags in this film but I couldn't tell you what they were because they're fairly unmemorable. I overlooked the perverse and voyeuristic aspects (as well as a lot of the implausibility) of the plot and took in all goofy charm simply because, in some way, it managed to work.

I can't imagine any of the actors who feature in this film looking back at this entry to their IMBD profile with much pride, but it's not something that they should be ashamed of either. They've probably done/will do much worse than this.

Film Review: The Artist

As I write this, I'm struggling to think of an introduction for a film that essentially needs little or no introduction at all. You've seen the trailers and you know that it's already scooped up awards left, right and center. But does it live up to the hype?

The film takes place two years prior to the Wall Street crash in 1929, when silent films were the standard in the industry. The numero uno actor at the time is George Valentin (played by Jean Dujardin who, to me, looks like a slightly more attractive version of Justin Theroux). Audiences adore him, his contemporaries not so much. By accident George meets Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo), an aspiring actress and accomplished dancer.

George realises the silent plus black and white treatment doesn't work quite as well on other films such as Transformers 3: Dark of The Moon

One day the film studio head, Al Zimmer (John Goodman) shows a clip to George. It features George's previous co-star talking. Whilst all the other film executives are in awe, George baulks at the clip stating it's a joke and will never take off. Soon after, Al scraps the film that George was working on by telling him that from now on he's only making "talkies".

The rest of the film follows George's demise as he invests wholeheartedly into his own silent film whilst Peppy's star is on the rise. In the remainder of the film, the relationship of the characters is really put to the test as their lives put them on very separate paths.

A friend who accompanied me to see this film was very hesitant to do so, believing the whole principle of the film to be quite pretentious. I was rather apathetic to this film. Both of us worried that we would end up falling asleep to a film that had no dialogue whatsoever. In the end we were glad to have been persuaded to see such a film - it's been a long while since either of us had been so engaged by a film.

The films that I've see lately haven't really pushed my buttons. Too often I've prayed for a film to end, casually stealing a glance at my watch or almost cried at overly convoluted and nonsensical plots & scripts (yes I'm looking at you, Immortals)! With The Artist, Dujardin's eyes and Beso's smile say it all. There's no sappy or cheesy one-liners. The expressions of the cast convey and articulate far more than any vocabulary from all the languages in the world ever could.

The chemistry between Dujardin and Beso is exquisite. You can't help but yearn for these two characters to be together. And when they weren't on screen together, I couldn't help but feel a little bit heartbroken every time.

The music is a beautiful backdrop to the film. It helps carry, without overwhelming the viewer, the plot and sets the tone perfectly. In one dream-like sequence, the use of sound takes centrefold by highlighting the effect that sound and noise, made by even the most inanimate objects, has in our lives.

This film is obviously an homage by director Michel Hazanavicius to an older era of the film industry, particularly that of Hollywood's. I'm not that familiar with it, I must admit, but it makes me develop an appreciation for that era. At one point I was reminded of Singin' in the Rain (which despite the fact it's in colour, bears some similarity to The Artist) where Gene Kelly's presence and charisma shines through, much like Dujardin's. In fact, since watching this film, I've been wondering where the hell Dujardin has been my whole life?!

The Artist is my second favourite French film - sitting very tightly behind numéro un, La Haine. Coincidently both are modern films produced in black and white. Trust the French to make simplicity look so darn chic!

Film Review: Haywire

A fast paced action filmed topped with the typical slickness that usually comes with Steven Soderbergh's films is kind of what I was expecting when I saw Haywire a few weeks back. Sadly that's not what I got. You look at this film and the cast line-up should have your mouth watering with all the fine actors (bar Channing Tatum, god knows how he got his foot in Hollywood but I would appreciate it if he would forever remove it from the industry). But I actually left the film hungry for more action.

This is the film debut of Gina Carano, a fantastic mixed-martial art's fighter from Strikeforce (the top womens MMA promotion in the US). Now I know this lady isn't a classically trained actress but she has the fighting background that should have us convinced that she's the real deal. All to often I see action films that have waifs unconvincingly trying to pull off some hard hitting fight scenes (think of a very petite Zoe Saldana fighting the bulky Jeffrey Dean Morgan in the film The Losers). So it was a breath of fresh air to see Carano cast as the former marine turned mercenary for hire. Her MMA background was perfect for this role. And it showed.

There are no over-the-top back flips or a heavy reliance on weaponry in this film. Nor is there a trace of pointless CGI and wire-work. Instead you see Carano pull of fluid arm bars, stunning chokes and terrific wall jumps with finesse that only a former middleweight champion would possess.

However I start to wonder if Soderbergh could've have just hired any other female MMA fighter for the role as her fighting may very well be top notch, but her acting not so much. You see there is no stunt so real, no storyline so gripping that can mask acting so bad. And Carano's was so lacking that I kinda yearned for the waifs that I had earlier laughed off as unconvincing.

Gina Carano attempts to get a refund from Ewan McGregor for paying to see Star Wars II: Attack of The Clones

I will never really know how bad Carano's acting is because Soderbergh cleverly (or not-so in this case) tried to cover the tracks. Firstly he edited her voice. Carano has admitted her voice was altered so that the audience would differentiate her from her character. Stop me if I'm wrong but isn't that the whole point of acting, to convince someone wholeheartedly that the character you're personifying is anyone but you in reality? It seemed like a waste of his time given that Carano doesn't actually do much talking. Indeed she spends a large portion fighting but there was a seemingly endless chase scene that possibly went on for ten minutes. Then there was the the moment she took five minutes to reverse a car. Oh and jumping across buildings took another 10 minutes or so.

Normally I wouldn't complain about such time-wasting scenes but you must take into account that the film is 93 minutes long, so those scenes were dragged out for almost a third of the movie!

Aside from Carano's thespian efforts, this wasn't a bad film. Actually if Soderbergh had cast a different female lead (and possibly worked on a better script) I'm sure this could've been a lot better. The male ensemble really hold together the rest of the film. The parts set in Ireland were probably the best and I put that down to rising actor Michael Fassbender. It seems the man can't really do any wrong at the moment. The hotel fight scene that features in the trailer is the best and only because I was convinced that Fassbender really was going to come up trumps in the end. It also made the fight scene with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in Mr & Mrs. Smith look very amateurish in comparison!

Directing wise, this reeks of Soderbergh. I don't mind films that are made be a director with a typical visual style. But the Ocean's Eleven style music really didn't fit in with this type of action thriller.

It's not the worst film out there but it's certainly not great. I would certainly like to see more female action heroes in the style of Carano, just not with her acting ability. But don't tell her I said that - I've seen how she takes down those that oppose her!

Film Review: Immortals

On Wednesday I went to see Immortals, the new action-drama based on greek mythical character Theseus. It wasn't the original plan to see that film on that day. Originally I had intended to see Ides of March but odd things were happening that day - a friend cancelled rather unexpectedly and there was a fire at the station, making me miss the showing - so we took it as an omen that we should go and see The Immortals instead.

With hindsight I realise that they were not omens that were encouraging me to see this film but in fact discouraging me. As another friend cared to point out, bad things always happen in threes.

As I mentioned before, it wasn't in my original plan to see this film but that's not to say I didn't have any intention of seeing this film. I had every intention f seeing this film - and thats what makes this so painful. I had truly overhyped this film in my head.

That awkward moment when the costume shop only has the chest-plate and skirt combo left

The initial reason for seeing this film was purely an aesthetic one. No, I'm not referring to the beautiful cinematography but Henry Cavill instead. I've really admired (I'm trying to think of another word that doesn't make me come across creepy) him since I began watching The Tudors a few years back. When The Tudors came to an end I pondered when I would next see him on screen, big or small, and proceeded to google his IMDB page. I came across the entry for Immortals and was intrigued. Not only was he going to be a main lead in a new film but he was to feauture in a tale from greek mythology - for which I am a sucker for.

So I'd been anticipating this film for well over a year as you can imagine. And it wasn't just Henry Cavill's name to the credits that excited me - I was glad to see other actors such as Stephen Dorff (Blade) and Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler) added to the list. I had even heard good things about the director Tarsem Singh, mostly for his 2006 film The Fall, and his particular visual style.

Alas, the excitement that precipitated the viewing of Immortals is what made it all the more worse when I think about it. I've seen some bad films in my time. And whilst this is not the worst film I have ever paid to see in cinema (Norbit and My Super Ex-Girlfriend share that honour), it was a close contender.

I'm even struggling to start with what was wrong, so I'm going to focus on the positives (what little there is) first.

There are no front-runners for Oscars here but it's still a fairly pleasable performance in general. And for that Henry Cavill should be grateful because if the general public were to be criticising his acting instead of everything else in this film then it really wouldn't bode well for his next big cinematic outing - Superman. And some credit has to go to a lot of the actors since the script was probably one of the most lacking parts on this film. In a way Cavill sort of underperforms, he doesn't quite pack as much punch as you would expect for a main character. But it sets off neatly against Rourke's over-the-top style, which for the most part involves a lot of growling (I felt most of his dialogue required subtitles) and beating/maiming everyone. Freida Pinto's portrayal in this film is much like that in Rise of the Planet of the Apes - a gorgeous girl but her character is rather uninspiring. I was glad to see Stephen Dorff but his character was some odd sidekick called Stavros nonetheless played with Dorff's usual charm.

Visually this film was a treat. Now and then there are the odd scenes where you think the blue screen work was done by a recent graduate, but they're mere moments out of the entire 110 minutes. The opening scene featuring the Titans sealed up in a cage deep in a beautfullly designed chasm has you firlmy in its grip.

But sadly the rest of the film completely loses hold of you, leaving your mind wondering why you even bothered to see this film.

I would not recommmend this to someone who is a fan of greek mythology, even in the slightest fashion. Many people I know were dissapointed by Troy, as it ommited some relevant details and then decied to go for the typical happy Hollywood ending where Paris and Helen run off into the sunset together. If you think that film pissed all over one of the oldest tales ever told, I'd dread to think what you'll make of Immortals. The only resemblance it has to the myths is that Cavills character shares the name of Theseus...and that's about it. I nearly choked on my water when Zeus (played by Luke Evans) proclaimed that the gods do not intefere with the affairs of the mortals. The gods were known for their endless interference in the lives of the mortals.

But that's not even my biggest gripe with this film. That lies with the plot - or the complete lack thereof. Whilst the main objective was for Theseus (Cavill) to prevent King Hyperion (Rourke) from getting the Epicurs bow that would unleash the Titans, the general plot was completely nonsensical. A lot of the characters actions and reasoning were beyond understanding. A lot of the fight scenes (save for the fight with the gods and the titans) started of promising with brutality and fluidity but then spiralled into a free for all melee with men just randomly lunging at each other. It's like the fight choreographer only stayed for the beginning and then allowed the actors to improvise the rest.

I lamented earlier that I needed subtitles to understand Rourke but it is really Singh's direction that it utterly lost in translation. I always feel that films should leave you with an intense feeling or at least convey a message at the end. My feeling after the film was of intense disappointment that I had wasted £6.50 (bear in mind it was a 2-for-1 offer, so I didn't even pay full price!) and the message I received from Singh is so incoherent that not even the Rosetta Stone or Google Translate can figure it out.

Oh broadband! How I have missed thee!

So despite my best attempts to keep this a regular thing, I seemed to have failed to grasp the basic fact that a blog needs post and there has been quite a drought in the past seven months! Oh dear...

However my circumstances have changed somewhat in the past few weeks. The significant change being that I have moved into a place where I actually have internet. OK so some wouldn't say that the internet is that important that residing in an area where you are privy to it makes a significant change, but it does change things...a lot. I coped mostly because I had internet at work which allowed me to check e-mail and most social networking sites. I wasn't, however, allowed to watch video links much which means a few internet memes have gone over my head in the past two year. And I haven't made any internet purchases or checked my bank accounts because I was sure how secure the network at work is.

I digress though. The point that I'm (vaguely) trying to make is that I really hope to become more regular with my posts. I'll be posting from various topics (because I'm schizophrenic like that) such as book/film/music/tv reviews, political/social/economic issues, sport (MMA or football/soccer) and just random shit that I feel is worth typing about.

If you've bothered to read any of this and are interested I hope that you'll follow my blog. If you've read this an felt nothing but apathy or ssimmering sense of rage I hope that you have the sense to never come back!

Communicating in the 21st Century

As mentioned in my previous post, I've become internet impaired somewhat. The problem I found was really maintaining communication, primarily with people who live abroad.

I'm trying to figure out a way around this. So far I've got to calling cards and writing letters.

The former wouldn't be such a problem if it wasn't so expensive. £5 calling cards just don't last that long depending on the country you are calling. And it always lies to you too. You'll be in the middle of the conversation and an automated message will promt you that you have 200 minutes remaining then appoximately 20 mins later you're down to 100 minutes. The other problem is that its rather difficult to call someone without arranging a proper time between the both of you to have the conversation, and that's normally done on the internet.

Now letter writing is much cheaper than calling cards but not as free as the e-mailing. And the problem in the 21st century is that letter writing is becoming a long lost art from. With an e-mail you can screw it up as much as you like but the del or backspace keys will always be there for you and bail you out in your darkest hour. Del and Backspace are non existent in reality. Well they are but they exist in more cumbersome forms such as an eraser or tippex and they're just not as clean or time efficient as those two overused keys on my laptop. Those two keys can help you turn your literary skills from Katie Price to Marcel Proust in 5 secs. Pen + Paper = Fend for yourself!

But whilst I curse the time and effort in writing a letter I must praise the beauty of receiving a letter. Really, when was the last time you received a hand-written letter from a friend? And how did you feel when you received it and opened it?

For me receiving a hand-written letter is genuinely one of the most touching and heart-felt acts in this world. It's a beacon of light emanating from dark cloud of bills and final reminders that reside at the bottom of the front door. The time and consideration someone has put into writing to you is priceless. Reading their thoughts and anecdotes that were penned down in their own unique handwriting style is a beautiful thing. Arial and Verdana just don't do it for me like handwriting does, sorry guys!

Now all I gotta do is figure out where these things called "stamps" are sold...

Getting carried away by the Raptr

Last night when I was browsing my friend's twitter profile, I noticed she was updating her profile with a feed of her gaming activity. Curiosity got the better of me and I followed the link to her profile and discovered Raptr. It's basically a social networking site that "helps you connect with friends who like to play and discover games. Our goal is to make playing games more fun and social.".



I previously wrote an article about last.fm, my current favourite networking site. The concepts are very similar. Raptr detects what games you play by downloading their client and updating your details, it then updates your profile status (e.g. what game you're playing and what achievements you have made in that game). It allows you to add games to your library so people can see what games & consoles you own. Based on your own library and games you like, it'll recommend games to you that might be of interest. You can add fellow gamers and keep up-to-date with their gaming activity and compare your gaming tastes.

I've already recommended it to my oldest brother, an avid PC gamer that uses Steam, and he was very intrigued! It's still a Beta version and has a feedback console on the side of the page, allowing users to give thoughts for room for improvement. I can definitely see this gaining popularity as the gaming industry is vastly growing and gaining more share in the entertainment world.

If you're interested you can find my profile here!

The Silver Fox hits a sore spot...

I was browsing through Dlisted when I came across this video of Anderson Cooper on his show for CNN News. The report is about how pubs and bars in South West London are going to start issues lollipops to keep the punters gob shut long enough to minimise alcohol consumption. The segment leads to Coop going on a bit of a rant about how England and London in particular is "The Most Disgusting Place in the World at 11PM":



To be honest he has a point. It only got worse after the smoking ban as 24 hour drinking law was instated in England to substitute once vice for the withdrawal of another. What is funny is that this was a segment about South West England and he goes on about London, which is in the South East. And 11pm, really? That's when it's getting started Coop, baby! Maybe he's confused because of the time difference because its 3am when things get nasty!

Having said that, is it really a lot different from other European countries? Some other countries just have piss and dog shit everywhere and that's when the people are sober! Americans like to road trip to Cancun, get rat-arsed during spring break and then blame it all on the Mexicans! Hey, maybe Swine flu never orignated in Mexico...it was those drunk, Americano frat boys that probably started it!

If I was given a lollipop in a pub/club, it wouldn't stop me drinking. I'd just use it to stir up my Gin & Tonic! And now Cooper has got me craving Gobstoppers - I haven't had them in ages!

What do you think - Is London really the most disgusting place in the world at 11pm?

"Do you do Pot Noodle?"

After perusing a friend's comment about the Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle flavour on Facebook, it reminded me of an old advert for the snack that got banned. This was so funny because the slogan was so true:



By the way, what's your favourite flavour? When I was younger I used to eat Beef and Tomato (but I never mixed the tomato sachet in LOL!) and when I was a young teen I think it was Chow Mein or Sweet & Sour. I've tried many in the past but I haven't had any in bloody years!

"I'm a doctor, not a physicist!" (Star Trek Film Review)

Actually I'm neither. In bizzaro world, ideally I'd be both. In the real world, science is sadly not my forte...

Today I got to see the new Star Trek film. It's the 11th film in the franchise. Now, let me be clear here - I'm a relatively hardcore Star Trek fan! If I was to list the franchise in order of favourite to least favourite series, it would go something like this: The Next Generation, The Original Series, Deep Space Nine and Voyager. Yes, I didn't include Enterprise - that's because it's so pants that I refuse to believe it even existed in the first place, like Pirates of the Caribbean 2 & 3 and Terminator 3.

You get my drift, non? So my review doesn't really go as a cinema goer, or as someone new to the franchise. Nope, this is someone who's pretty familiar with the series...and yes I have seen the rare pilot episode where it's Captain Pike not Captain Kirk and THAT'S the episode that features the green chick!!! So here's my take on it and no, I'm not gonna spoil it for you...

3..2..1...cue deep, broody stares!

This is allegedly the first film in the franchise to be classified as 12A here. When Wrath of Khan came out in the UK, it was given a 15 but it's now classified as a 12A. If you've ever seen WoK, you'd know that, at the time, the 15 rating was reasonable. I found some part quite distressing when I saw it as a young girl. The new film deserves its 12A rating too. This is one action packed film. Seriously, I think J.J Abrams has been taking cue from Michael Bay. If you're a frequent toilet visitor when it come to films, you might want to skip liquid consumption entirely beforehand as this is definitely a "blink and you'll miss it!" type of film. It's definitely one for the IMAX! Not only are there some spaceship fights (you know, phasers and photon torpedos) but there are some damn good old school punch up scenes and even a swordfight...kinda!

This film is not entirely canon with the franchise and to be honest, I didn't expect it to be and I'm glad it's not. To start from scratch all over again was a good idea, especially after First Contact, the films in the series had gotten really stale. Doing this gave the writers/director some leway that they were definetely in need of. Some of the changes I liked, some were a bit weird and some seemed worse in comparison to the orginal series (e.g. the characteristics and behaviour of the Romulans) - but I'm willing to overlook some of the changes over due to its non-canonicity (FYI - no I don't think thats a word but I'm finding today and terrible day to articulate myself).

Plotwise, I think it starts of reltively easy but almost halfway to two-thirds of the way through, it gets a bit tricky. I get what happened, but at some points the dialogue is so quick and the jargon is just, well...jargony that it made some points of the plot line a bit hard to piece together. It's parts that relate to the incident on Romulas and Nero, in particular, the timeline of events. Since I'm probably going to end up seeing it a few times with various trekkies/geeks/film lovers, I'm sure I'll piece it together. I may be alone on the plot trickiness due to the fact that I had a headache from dehydration (kidney bloody stone!), but if you're not to fussed about technicalities then I don't think it's going to be a problem.

The effects are top quality undoubtedly. It's a Star Trek film, it relies a big deal on this. This set design was also pretty damn good, it wasn't too modern so that it alienated the original layout but at the same time it kept to the 60s style without looking kitsch. I have to say that both Zachary Quinto and Karl Urban looked almost identical to the actors who played their previous roles (Leonard Nimoy DeForest Kelley respectively), Quinto especially so! Really, he might as well be Nimoy's long lost son!

All in all, I think it's a damn good film and I definitely recommend it. My only real quip with the film was that I felt that Nero's character need a bit more story to it, I felt that J.J. Abrams kind of dishonoured Bana by making him seem, in my mind, some what of a one dimensional character. However if you love action films, then you'll definitely love this. If you're a geek (but not familiar with Star Trek), I'm sure you'll love this. The real test is with the Star Trek fans. For some it'll sit in the middle, for other's it'll be a complete miss but for other it'll be an absolute hit!

I'm definitely thinking it's the latter :D

Don't get mad, get even...

shit on a...?

The previous post reminded me of a visit to Borders a while back. Whilst The Very Hungry Caterpillar taught children to count, to read the alphabet as well as teaching them about colours and creatures, you might not be surprised then to realise that there are books that teach your children about poo or as my mum always called it: "caca!"

Now a book about pooing is nothing new, of course! However a book about being shat on and then getting revenge on the culprit definitely is! May I introduce...The Story of the Little Mole Who Went in Search of Whodunit:As Grace, Helen and I discovered, this aptly (and somewhat grammatically incorrect) titled book tells the story of a poor little mole who is minding his own business until someone does their "business" on his head. Mole is not impressed and goes on a hunt to find out who did it. He interrogates all the animals, enquiring if the quaintly illustrated turd on his head belongs to them. It's a series of denials however as they reveal (through flaps and pull outs) that their poo looks different to the one on his head.

Fear not though! In the end the mole finds the culprit, and gives him an "eye for an eye, a poo for a poo". I'm not quite sure that it's a book I'd like my child to have if I was a mum (teaching them to get revenge by pooing on the enemy?!), but I really was on the verge of wetting myself as I read through it! Maybe I should get it for my cousin at least...

The Very Hungry Search Engine

Today, as I logged onto my computer, I noticed something bizarrely familiar with the Google logo:Google are celebrating Eric Carle, a children's author who is mostly known for his book The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

This book was one of my all-time favourites as a child (along with Carle's other book, The Very Busy Spider). According to The Independent, the book "has sold more than 29 million copies around the world and has been translated into 47 languages. It still sells on average one copy every 30 seconds.".

I'm glad that this book is still doing so well. To be honest I didn't realise it was such a global phenomenon! In the age of Harry Potter, it's good to know that old school favourites are still going strong. When I was a little girl (and mentally speaking I am still one, somewhat!), I was addicted to books by Dr. Seuss, Roald Dahl and I coveted Where The Wild Things Are. It really makes me feel good to know this books have remained popular so that one day when/if I have kids, I know that these books will still be there for me to read to them as my own mother did with me!

"I see sounds..."

In all the conversations I've had with people I've met for the first time, one of the most frequent questions I get asked is "So, what music you into?/Who's you favourite band?". I hate those questions. Don't get wrong - it has nothing to do with the person asking it but more to do with the question itself. I can never answer a question like that. And I imagine that most people can never answer it truthfully either...

See, I'm a very fickle person. If you asked what song I love at the moment today, the answer would be very different if you asked me that same question tomorrow. Music is affected by our moods, environment, our friends etc. And music is so broad and diverse. I can never pinpoint it to just one simple thing...

And that's why I love last.fm

If you never heard of last.fm then let me break it down for you: it a music social networking website. But don't mistake it for anything like Facebook or MySpace. It matters not about how many friends you have, or how many songs you listen to but what you listen to.



The website "scrobbles" the songs you play in winamp/windows media player/itunes/last.fm player (although it recommends you use their own player as the old skool plugins fo the other apps are no longer supported by them). Then the smart bunnies at last.fm create you own little music chart (it like the top40 based on what you listen to instead of the nation).




But that's only the beginning! From here, you can get recommendations for other artist you might like and provides you updates about events that might interest you. All in all, it pretty damn cool.

Tonight the Tokyo Super Trooper lights are gonna find me

So I've updated my blog link and I've added Danny Choo. Who is Danny Choo?

• A mix of Gundam, figures, anime, otaku and Japanese culture brought to you by Danny Choo (me) who resides in Tokyo Japan.
• The contents of this site seems to be popular based on just under 20.1 million page views generated by 2.9 million visitors for the month of May 2008 alone.
• This site is also occasionally featured in the Japanese press such as on TV and in magazines/newspapers.
• I also write tips on living in Japan (buying a house, working etc) and blogging tips (how to earn money through affiliating, discoverability, SEO etc).
• I want to share my experience and knowledge so ccasionally write posts motivational articles.
• Three articles to give you an idea of the person who runs this site and what this site is all about > Why I'm in Japan, History of dannychoo.com, All about my startup in Japan - and more in the Danny Choo History category.

That's from his own blurb about the site. So why should you check him out? Well apart from having an awesome blog detailing life and culture in Japan from his view, he can also bust some serious dance moves...in Storm Trooper outfits!

Tokyo Dance Trooper in Shibuya:



Tokyo Dance Trooper:



And simply because I can...



Be sure to check out his website www.dannychoo.com

TRIVIA: The Title of the song "Ai no Corrida" come from the title of the 1976 Japanese film Ai No Korida/In the Realm of Senses. The original song is by Jankel & Young in 1980, covered (and popularised) a year later Quincy Jones and was covered again by a British dance group Uniting Nations in 2005

I want to be the majority!

Well since today started off with a discussion about race, I've decided to let today's theme be race.

I'm sure you might have come across this before, but this is Stuff White People Like.



I've just found out that it's about to be published into a book and set for release later this year, with stuff that is not featured on the website.

So what's it all about. Well this is the blurb:

This is a scientific approach to highlight and explain stuff white people like. They are pretty predictable.

Yup that's basically it. So which one is my fave? No. 8 - Barack Obama. Not because I like him, but I like the way white people like him:

Because white people are afraid that if they don’t like him that they will be called racist.

It's funny cause it's true.

Also reading through this list has made me realise that I'm aprroximately 40% white.