Film Review: Immortals

On Wednesday I went to see Immortals, the new action-drama based on greek mythical character Theseus. It wasn't the original plan to see that film on that day. Originally I had intended to see Ides of March but odd things were happening that day - a friend cancelled rather unexpectedly and there was a fire at the station, making me miss the showing - so we took it as an omen that we should go and see The Immortals instead.

With hindsight I realise that they were not omens that were encouraging me to see this film but in fact discouraging me. As another friend cared to point out, bad things always happen in threes.

As I mentioned before, it wasn't in my original plan to see this film but that's not to say I didn't have any intention of seeing this film. I had every intention f seeing this film - and thats what makes this so painful. I had truly overhyped this film in my head.

That awkward moment when the costume shop only has the chest-plate and skirt combo left

The initial reason for seeing this film was purely an aesthetic one. No, I'm not referring to the beautiful cinematography but Henry Cavill instead. I've really admired (I'm trying to think of another word that doesn't make me come across creepy) him since I began watching The Tudors a few years back. When The Tudors came to an end I pondered when I would next see him on screen, big or small, and proceeded to google his IMDB page. I came across the entry for Immortals and was intrigued. Not only was he going to be a main lead in a new film but he was to feauture in a tale from greek mythology - for which I am a sucker for.

So I'd been anticipating this film for well over a year as you can imagine. And it wasn't just Henry Cavill's name to the credits that excited me - I was glad to see other actors such as Stephen Dorff (Blade) and Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler) added to the list. I had even heard good things about the director Tarsem Singh, mostly for his 2006 film The Fall, and his particular visual style.

Alas, the excitement that precipitated the viewing of Immortals is what made it all the more worse when I think about it. I've seen some bad films in my time. And whilst this is not the worst film I have ever paid to see in cinema (Norbit and My Super Ex-Girlfriend share that honour), it was a close contender.

I'm even struggling to start with what was wrong, so I'm going to focus on the positives (what little there is) first.

There are no front-runners for Oscars here but it's still a fairly pleasable performance in general. And for that Henry Cavill should be grateful because if the general public were to be criticising his acting instead of everything else in this film then it really wouldn't bode well for his next big cinematic outing - Superman. And some credit has to go to a lot of the actors since the script was probably one of the most lacking parts on this film. In a way Cavill sort of underperforms, he doesn't quite pack as much punch as you would expect for a main character. But it sets off neatly against Rourke's over-the-top style, which for the most part involves a lot of growling (I felt most of his dialogue required subtitles) and beating/maiming everyone. Freida Pinto's portrayal in this film is much like that in Rise of the Planet of the Apes - a gorgeous girl but her character is rather uninspiring. I was glad to see Stephen Dorff but his character was some odd sidekick called Stavros nonetheless played with Dorff's usual charm.

Visually this film was a treat. Now and then there are the odd scenes where you think the blue screen work was done by a recent graduate, but they're mere moments out of the entire 110 minutes. The opening scene featuring the Titans sealed up in a cage deep in a beautfullly designed chasm has you firlmy in its grip.

But sadly the rest of the film completely loses hold of you, leaving your mind wondering why you even bothered to see this film.

I would not recommmend this to someone who is a fan of greek mythology, even in the slightest fashion. Many people I know were dissapointed by Troy, as it ommited some relevant details and then decied to go for the typical happy Hollywood ending where Paris and Helen run off into the sunset together. If you think that film pissed all over one of the oldest tales ever told, I'd dread to think what you'll make of Immortals. The only resemblance it has to the myths is that Cavills character shares the name of Theseus...and that's about it. I nearly choked on my water when Zeus (played by Luke Evans) proclaimed that the gods do not intefere with the affairs of the mortals. The gods were known for their endless interference in the lives of the mortals.

But that's not even my biggest gripe with this film. That lies with the plot - or the complete lack thereof. Whilst the main objective was for Theseus (Cavill) to prevent King Hyperion (Rourke) from getting the Epicurs bow that would unleash the Titans, the general plot was completely nonsensical. A lot of the characters actions and reasoning were beyond understanding. A lot of the fight scenes (save for the fight with the gods and the titans) started of promising with brutality and fluidity but then spiralled into a free for all melee with men just randomly lunging at each other. It's like the fight choreographer only stayed for the beginning and then allowed the actors to improvise the rest.

I lamented earlier that I needed subtitles to understand Rourke but it is really Singh's direction that it utterly lost in translation. I always feel that films should leave you with an intense feeling or at least convey a message at the end. My feeling after the film was of intense disappointment that I had wasted £6.50 (bear in mind it was a 2-for-1 offer, so I didn't even pay full price!) and the message I received from Singh is so incoherent that not even the Rosetta Stone or Google Translate can figure it out.

Oh broadband! How I have missed thee!

So despite my best attempts to keep this a regular thing, I seemed to have failed to grasp the basic fact that a blog needs post and there has been quite a drought in the past seven months! Oh dear...

However my circumstances have changed somewhat in the past few weeks. The significant change being that I have moved into a place where I actually have internet. OK so some wouldn't say that the internet is that important that residing in an area where you are privy to it makes a significant change, but it does change things...a lot. I coped mostly because I had internet at work which allowed me to check e-mail and most social networking sites. I wasn't, however, allowed to watch video links much which means a few internet memes have gone over my head in the past two year. And I haven't made any internet purchases or checked my bank accounts because I was sure how secure the network at work is.

I digress though. The point that I'm (vaguely) trying to make is that I really hope to become more regular with my posts. I'll be posting from various topics (because I'm schizophrenic like that) such as book/film/music/tv reviews, political/social/economic issues, sport (MMA or football/soccer) and just random shit that I feel is worth typing about.

If you've bothered to read any of this and are interested I hope that you'll follow my blog. If you've read this an felt nothing but apathy or ssimmering sense of rage I hope that you have the sense to never come back!

Communicating in the 21st Century

As mentioned in my previous post, I've become internet impaired somewhat. The problem I found was really maintaining communication, primarily with people who live abroad.

I'm trying to figure out a way around this. So far I've got to calling cards and writing letters.

The former wouldn't be such a problem if it wasn't so expensive. £5 calling cards just don't last that long depending on the country you are calling. And it always lies to you too. You'll be in the middle of the conversation and an automated message will promt you that you have 200 minutes remaining then appoximately 20 mins later you're down to 100 minutes. The other problem is that its rather difficult to call someone without arranging a proper time between the both of you to have the conversation, and that's normally done on the internet.

Now letter writing is much cheaper than calling cards but not as free as the e-mailing. And the problem in the 21st century is that letter writing is becoming a long lost art from. With an e-mail you can screw it up as much as you like but the del or backspace keys will always be there for you and bail you out in your darkest hour. Del and Backspace are non existent in reality. Well they are but they exist in more cumbersome forms such as an eraser or tippex and they're just not as clean or time efficient as those two overused keys on my laptop. Those two keys can help you turn your literary skills from Katie Price to Marcel Proust in 5 secs. Pen + Paper = Fend for yourself!

But whilst I curse the time and effort in writing a letter I must praise the beauty of receiving a letter. Really, when was the last time you received a hand-written letter from a friend? And how did you feel when you received it and opened it?

For me receiving a hand-written letter is genuinely one of the most touching and heart-felt acts in this world. It's a beacon of light emanating from dark cloud of bills and final reminders that reside at the bottom of the front door. The time and consideration someone has put into writing to you is priceless. Reading their thoughts and anecdotes that were penned down in their own unique handwriting style is a beautiful thing. Arial and Verdana just don't do it for me like handwriting does, sorry guys!

Now all I gotta do is figure out where these things called "stamps" are sold...

Getting carried away by the Raptr

Last night when I was browsing my friend's twitter profile, I noticed she was updating her profile with a feed of her gaming activity. Curiosity got the better of me and I followed the link to her profile and discovered Raptr. It's basically a social networking site that "helps you connect with friends who like to play and discover games. Our goal is to make playing games more fun and social.".



I previously wrote an article about last.fm, my current favourite networking site. The concepts are very similar. Raptr detects what games you play by downloading their client and updating your details, it then updates your profile status (e.g. what game you're playing and what achievements you have made in that game). It allows you to add games to your library so people can see what games & consoles you own. Based on your own library and games you like, it'll recommend games to you that might be of interest. You can add fellow gamers and keep up-to-date with their gaming activity and compare your gaming tastes.

I've already recommended it to my oldest brother, an avid PC gamer that uses Steam, and he was very intrigued! It's still a Beta version and has a feedback console on the side of the page, allowing users to give thoughts for room for improvement. I can definitely see this gaining popularity as the gaming industry is vastly growing and gaining more share in the entertainment world.

If you're interested you can find my profile here!

The Silver Fox hits a sore spot...

I was browsing through Dlisted when I came across this video of Anderson Cooper on his show for CNN News. The report is about how pubs and bars in South West London are going to start issues lollipops to keep the punters gob shut long enough to minimise alcohol consumption. The segment leads to Coop going on a bit of a rant about how England and London in particular is "The Most Disgusting Place in the World at 11PM":



To be honest he has a point. It only got worse after the smoking ban as 24 hour drinking law was instated in England to substitute once vice for the withdrawal of another. What is funny is that this was a segment about South West England and he goes on about London, which is in the South East. And 11pm, really? That's when it's getting started Coop, baby! Maybe he's confused because of the time difference because its 3am when things get nasty!

Having said that, is it really a lot different from other European countries? Some other countries just have piss and dog shit everywhere and that's when the people are sober! Americans like to road trip to Cancun, get rat-arsed during spring break and then blame it all on the Mexicans! Hey, maybe Swine flu never orignated in Mexico...it was those drunk, Americano frat boys that probably started it!

If I was given a lollipop in a pub/club, it wouldn't stop me drinking. I'd just use it to stir up my Gin & Tonic! And now Cooper has got me craving Gobstoppers - I haven't had them in ages!

What do you think - Is London really the most disgusting place in the world at 11pm?