Film Review: This Means War

Two hot guys? Check! One cute chick? Check! Annoying female friend giving advice (which should always be ignored) about your love life? Check! Why, it seems we have all the ingredients for a rom-com here!

The basic jist of this romantic action comedy is that two CIA agents end up falling head over heels in love with a girl and then make a "gentleman's agreement" to fight fair for the girl's affections.

The stupidly christened FDR (Chris Pine) is the standard club-going womanising sleaze. Tuck (Tom Hardy) is the emotionally deep one - which is odd since he's British, you would expected him to be the emotionally constipated one. And Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) - she's your typically cute, hard-working, successful gal who for some blasted reason just so happens to be very unlucky in love. Throw in some Sade and this isn't really an action-romantic-comedy, it's a straight-up rom-com.

FDR and Tuck are unsure about the penis enlargement tool they bought on the internet so decide to test out on someone else first

I remember the trailer being very choc-a-bloc of action. It was a ruse by the director McG to lure men to the cinema. There's less guns-a-blazing here and more hands-a-holding. In my screening, the film managed to be littered with giggles from various groups of girls, whilst the men remained unsurprisingly quiet. This a decent enough film for a girlie evening with friends or perhaps a date night. But for the group of dudes looking for some mad-capped action sitting behind me - I think they were a tad disappointed!

The casting is a true oddity. I think whoever was in charge of that had only one criteria - cast actors with insanely intense, bright eyes. Whilst Witherspoon is already prepped for the romcom genre, Hardy and Pine don't quite come accross as your standard comedy tag team duo. They've got the bromance down to a tee, sure, but I can't quite picture them as CIA partners. Individual lone agents, yes, but definitely not partners.

It's predictable. Did you really expect a film like this to be laden with clever plot twists? It's cheesy, clumsy but yet there's still some light-hearted entertainment. I did indeed laugh at some of the gags in this film but I couldn't tell you what they were because they're fairly unmemorable. I overlooked the perverse and voyeuristic aspects (as well as a lot of the implausibility) of the plot and took in all goofy charm simply because, in some way, it managed to work.

I can't imagine any of the actors who feature in this film looking back at this entry to their IMBD profile with much pride, but it's not something that they should be ashamed of either. They've probably done/will do much worse than this.

Film Review: The Artist

As I write this, I'm struggling to think of an introduction for a film that essentially needs little or no introduction at all. You've seen the trailers and you know that it's already scooped up awards left, right and center. But does it live up to the hype?

The film takes place two years prior to the Wall Street crash in 1929, when silent films were the standard in the industry. The numero uno actor at the time is George Valentin (played by Jean Dujardin who, to me, looks like a slightly more attractive version of Justin Theroux). Audiences adore him, his contemporaries not so much. By accident George meets Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo), an aspiring actress and accomplished dancer.

George realises the silent plus black and white treatment doesn't work quite as well on other films such as Transformers 3: Dark of The Moon

One day the film studio head, Al Zimmer (John Goodman) shows a clip to George. It features George's previous co-star talking. Whilst all the other film executives are in awe, George baulks at the clip stating it's a joke and will never take off. Soon after, Al scraps the film that George was working on by telling him that from now on he's only making "talkies".

The rest of the film follows George's demise as he invests wholeheartedly into his own silent film whilst Peppy's star is on the rise. In the remainder of the film, the relationship of the characters is really put to the test as their lives put them on very separate paths.

A friend who accompanied me to see this film was very hesitant to do so, believing the whole principle of the film to be quite pretentious. I was rather apathetic to this film. Both of us worried that we would end up falling asleep to a film that had no dialogue whatsoever. In the end we were glad to have been persuaded to see such a film - it's been a long while since either of us had been so engaged by a film.

The films that I've see lately haven't really pushed my buttons. Too often I've prayed for a film to end, casually stealing a glance at my watch or almost cried at overly convoluted and nonsensical plots & scripts (yes I'm looking at you, Immortals)! With The Artist, Dujardin's eyes and Beso's smile say it all. There's no sappy or cheesy one-liners. The expressions of the cast convey and articulate far more than any vocabulary from all the languages in the world ever could.

The chemistry between Dujardin and Beso is exquisite. You can't help but yearn for these two characters to be together. And when they weren't on screen together, I couldn't help but feel a little bit heartbroken every time.

The music is a beautiful backdrop to the film. It helps carry, without overwhelming the viewer, the plot and sets the tone perfectly. In one dream-like sequence, the use of sound takes centrefold by highlighting the effect that sound and noise, made by even the most inanimate objects, has in our lives.

This film is obviously an homage by director Michel Hazanavicius to an older era of the film industry, particularly that of Hollywood's. I'm not that familiar with it, I must admit, but it makes me develop an appreciation for that era. At one point I was reminded of Singin' in the Rain (which despite the fact it's in colour, bears some similarity to The Artist) where Gene Kelly's presence and charisma shines through, much like Dujardin's. In fact, since watching this film, I've been wondering where the hell Dujardin has been my whole life?!

The Artist is my second favourite French film - sitting very tightly behind numéro un, La Haine. Coincidently both are modern films produced in black and white. Trust the French to make simplicity look so darn chic!

Film Review: Haywire

A fast paced action filmed topped with the typical slickness that usually comes with Steven Soderbergh's films is kind of what I was expecting when I saw Haywire a few weeks back. Sadly that's not what I got. You look at this film and the cast line-up should have your mouth watering with all the fine actors (bar Channing Tatum, god knows how he got his foot in Hollywood but I would appreciate it if he would forever remove it from the industry). But I actually left the film hungry for more action.

This is the film debut of Gina Carano, a fantastic mixed-martial art's fighter from Strikeforce (the top womens MMA promotion in the US). Now I know this lady isn't a classically trained actress but she has the fighting background that should have us convinced that she's the real deal. All to often I see action films that have waifs unconvincingly trying to pull off some hard hitting fight scenes (think of a very petite Zoe Saldana fighting the bulky Jeffrey Dean Morgan in the film The Losers). So it was a breath of fresh air to see Carano cast as the former marine turned mercenary for hire. Her MMA background was perfect for this role. And it showed.

There are no over-the-top back flips or a heavy reliance on weaponry in this film. Nor is there a trace of pointless CGI and wire-work. Instead you see Carano pull of fluid arm bars, stunning chokes and terrific wall jumps with finesse that only a former middleweight champion would possess.

However I start to wonder if Soderbergh could've have just hired any other female MMA fighter for the role as her fighting may very well be top notch, but her acting not so much. You see there is no stunt so real, no storyline so gripping that can mask acting so bad. And Carano's was so lacking that I kinda yearned for the waifs that I had earlier laughed off as unconvincing.

Gina Carano attempts to get a refund from Ewan McGregor for paying to see Star Wars II: Attack of The Clones

I will never really know how bad Carano's acting is because Soderbergh cleverly (or not-so in this case) tried to cover the tracks. Firstly he edited her voice. Carano has admitted her voice was altered so that the audience would differentiate her from her character. Stop me if I'm wrong but isn't that the whole point of acting, to convince someone wholeheartedly that the character you're personifying is anyone but you in reality? It seemed like a waste of his time given that Carano doesn't actually do much talking. Indeed she spends a large portion fighting but there was a seemingly endless chase scene that possibly went on for ten minutes. Then there was the the moment she took five minutes to reverse a car. Oh and jumping across buildings took another 10 minutes or so.

Normally I wouldn't complain about such time-wasting scenes but you must take into account that the film is 93 minutes long, so those scenes were dragged out for almost a third of the movie!

Aside from Carano's thespian efforts, this wasn't a bad film. Actually if Soderbergh had cast a different female lead (and possibly worked on a better script) I'm sure this could've been a lot better. The male ensemble really hold together the rest of the film. The parts set in Ireland were probably the best and I put that down to rising actor Michael Fassbender. It seems the man can't really do any wrong at the moment. The hotel fight scene that features in the trailer is the best and only because I was convinced that Fassbender really was going to come up trumps in the end. It also made the fight scene with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in Mr & Mrs. Smith look very amateurish in comparison!

Directing wise, this reeks of Soderbergh. I don't mind films that are made be a director with a typical visual style. But the Ocean's Eleven style music really didn't fit in with this type of action thriller.

It's not the worst film out there but it's certainly not great. I would certainly like to see more female action heroes in the style of Carano, just not with her acting ability. But don't tell her I said that - I've seen how she takes down those that oppose her!

Film Review: Immortals

On Wednesday I went to see Immortals, the new action-drama based on greek mythical character Theseus. It wasn't the original plan to see that film on that day. Originally I had intended to see Ides of March but odd things were happening that day - a friend cancelled rather unexpectedly and there was a fire at the station, making me miss the showing - so we took it as an omen that we should go and see The Immortals instead.

With hindsight I realise that they were not omens that were encouraging me to see this film but in fact discouraging me. As another friend cared to point out, bad things always happen in threes.

As I mentioned before, it wasn't in my original plan to see this film but that's not to say I didn't have any intention of seeing this film. I had every intention f seeing this film - and thats what makes this so painful. I had truly overhyped this film in my head.

That awkward moment when the costume shop only has the chest-plate and skirt combo left

The initial reason for seeing this film was purely an aesthetic one. No, I'm not referring to the beautiful cinematography but Henry Cavill instead. I've really admired (I'm trying to think of another word that doesn't make me come across creepy) him since I began watching The Tudors a few years back. When The Tudors came to an end I pondered when I would next see him on screen, big or small, and proceeded to google his IMDB page. I came across the entry for Immortals and was intrigued. Not only was he going to be a main lead in a new film but he was to feauture in a tale from greek mythology - for which I am a sucker for.

So I'd been anticipating this film for well over a year as you can imagine. And it wasn't just Henry Cavill's name to the credits that excited me - I was glad to see other actors such as Stephen Dorff (Blade) and Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler) added to the list. I had even heard good things about the director Tarsem Singh, mostly for his 2006 film The Fall, and his particular visual style.

Alas, the excitement that precipitated the viewing of Immortals is what made it all the more worse when I think about it. I've seen some bad films in my time. And whilst this is not the worst film I have ever paid to see in cinema (Norbit and My Super Ex-Girlfriend share that honour), it was a close contender.

I'm even struggling to start with what was wrong, so I'm going to focus on the positives (what little there is) first.

There are no front-runners for Oscars here but it's still a fairly pleasable performance in general. And for that Henry Cavill should be grateful because if the general public were to be criticising his acting instead of everything else in this film then it really wouldn't bode well for his next big cinematic outing - Superman. And some credit has to go to a lot of the actors since the script was probably one of the most lacking parts on this film. In a way Cavill sort of underperforms, he doesn't quite pack as much punch as you would expect for a main character. But it sets off neatly against Rourke's over-the-top style, which for the most part involves a lot of growling (I felt most of his dialogue required subtitles) and beating/maiming everyone. Freida Pinto's portrayal in this film is much like that in Rise of the Planet of the Apes - a gorgeous girl but her character is rather uninspiring. I was glad to see Stephen Dorff but his character was some odd sidekick called Stavros nonetheless played with Dorff's usual charm.

Visually this film was a treat. Now and then there are the odd scenes where you think the blue screen work was done by a recent graduate, but they're mere moments out of the entire 110 minutes. The opening scene featuring the Titans sealed up in a cage deep in a beautfullly designed chasm has you firlmy in its grip.

But sadly the rest of the film completely loses hold of you, leaving your mind wondering why you even bothered to see this film.

I would not recommmend this to someone who is a fan of greek mythology, even in the slightest fashion. Many people I know were dissapointed by Troy, as it ommited some relevant details and then decied to go for the typical happy Hollywood ending where Paris and Helen run off into the sunset together. If you think that film pissed all over one of the oldest tales ever told, I'd dread to think what you'll make of Immortals. The only resemblance it has to the myths is that Cavills character shares the name of Theseus...and that's about it. I nearly choked on my water when Zeus (played by Luke Evans) proclaimed that the gods do not intefere with the affairs of the mortals. The gods were known for their endless interference in the lives of the mortals.

But that's not even my biggest gripe with this film. That lies with the plot - or the complete lack thereof. Whilst the main objective was for Theseus (Cavill) to prevent King Hyperion (Rourke) from getting the Epicurs bow that would unleash the Titans, the general plot was completely nonsensical. A lot of the characters actions and reasoning were beyond understanding. A lot of the fight scenes (save for the fight with the gods and the titans) started of promising with brutality and fluidity but then spiralled into a free for all melee with men just randomly lunging at each other. It's like the fight choreographer only stayed for the beginning and then allowed the actors to improvise the rest.

I lamented earlier that I needed subtitles to understand Rourke but it is really Singh's direction that it utterly lost in translation. I always feel that films should leave you with an intense feeling or at least convey a message at the end. My feeling after the film was of intense disappointment that I had wasted £6.50 (bear in mind it was a 2-for-1 offer, so I didn't even pay full price!) and the message I received from Singh is so incoherent that not even the Rosetta Stone or Google Translate can figure it out.

Oh broadband! How I have missed thee!

So despite my best attempts to keep this a regular thing, I seemed to have failed to grasp the basic fact that a blog needs post and there has been quite a drought in the past seven months! Oh dear...

However my circumstances have changed somewhat in the past few weeks. The significant change being that I have moved into a place where I actually have internet. OK so some wouldn't say that the internet is that important that residing in an area where you are privy to it makes a significant change, but it does change things...a lot. I coped mostly because I had internet at work which allowed me to check e-mail and most social networking sites. I wasn't, however, allowed to watch video links much which means a few internet memes have gone over my head in the past two year. And I haven't made any internet purchases or checked my bank accounts because I was sure how secure the network at work is.

I digress though. The point that I'm (vaguely) trying to make is that I really hope to become more regular with my posts. I'll be posting from various topics (because I'm schizophrenic like that) such as book/film/music/tv reviews, political/social/economic issues, sport (MMA or football/soccer) and just random shit that I feel is worth typing about.

If you've bothered to read any of this and are interested I hope that you'll follow my blog. If you've read this an felt nothing but apathy or ssimmering sense of rage I hope that you have the sense to never come back!