Film Review: Dark Shadows

I've never heard of a soap opera-to-film adaptation until I saw Tim Burton's Dark Shadows. I now see why they are not a regular occurrence!

The story begins with the back-story of Barnabus Collins (Johnny Depp), who is truly in love with Josette (Bella Heathcote). The only problem is that his previous lover Angelique (Eva Green) is incredibly jealous about this relationship. Inconviently for the lovebirds, Angelique just happens to be a witch and curses Collins' family, sends Josette off a cliff and turns Barnabas into a vampire. Not satisfied at that point, she rallies a mob that buries Barnabas in a coffin.

Fast-forward two centuries, Barnabas is released from his prison into an era totally alien to him - the 1970's. He returns to the family home to find his home inhabited by his descendant Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer), her daughter Carolyn (Chloe Grace Moretz), her brother Roger (Jonny Lee Miller), Roger's son David (Gulliver McGrath) and his shrink Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter). A new addition to the household is David's new governess Victoria (Heathcote again), with whom Barnabus is instantly taken with due to her resemblance to his former lover Josette.

Upon learning that his family has been at war with Angelique (who has taken to running a fish canning factory), Barnabas decides to end the curse upon his family and challenge her. However it seems she is still (or more so) the spitefully spurned lover she was two hundred years ago and subsequently isn't willing to go without a fight!

Unaware of the existence of pornography in the 1970s, Barnabas uses alternative methods to get his kicks

With soap-operas there is often a pursuit of several storylines simultaneously that can develop fantastically, if well written, over a period of time. Being limited to a film Dark Shadows doesn't haven't this luxury and as a result there is a serious lack of depth to the story and the direction is very skewed. Whilst is starts quite promising at the first half, the core plotline seems lost for most of the latter half when Barnabus takes on his family's struggles and challenges Angelique. The ending seems rushed and, quite frankly, cheap.

Regarding the acting, only one person truly stood out for me and it wasn't Johnny Depp. Eva Green's portrayal of the manipulative villain is really the only thespian related treat - she's slick, seductive and downright sinister. Depp, in Burton related projects as of late, is becoming stale and unchallenged - otherwise he is a fantastic actor. But Burton has lately made Depp very one-dimensional and I don't enjoy watching their collaborative efforts as a result this.

Visually, it's typical of Burton. Dark and eerie, yet juxtaposed with colour, kitsch and vibrance. But his visual style just caves to the erratic and sometimes illogical nature of the film. Perhaps a TV series adaptation would've best suited Burton's true vision for this film. 

Film Review: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Four days and seven hours ago, I took in a viewing of the film adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's novel, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. This is a decision I very much regretted.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter sets itself in an fictional retelling of one of America's greatest historical figures.  In this version however, the mother of Abraham Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) was murdered by the vampire Jack Barts (Marton Csokas) after they dared to defend black slaves (who apparently are vampires preferred choice for feasting because no-one cares about them). Set for revenge, Lincoln aims to eliminate the vampire who wronged him only to find he his grossly out-matched. He is saved by Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper with a god-awful bouffant), who trains him montage-stylee to be a vampire hunter.

Lincoln is then dispatched to Springfield, Ohio where he will prepare to face the vampire that killed his mother in due time. Here Lincoln meets his future wife, Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) who is completely and utterly oblivious to his vampire hunting ways. It's during his time in Springfield that he becomes more politically active, believing that to be the true way is to abolish slavery - which no doubt upsets the father of all Vampires, Adam (Rufus Sewell).

It may be hard to believe but silver-tipped axes and top hats were indeed all the rage in 1827

The problem with the film is that it takes itself far too seriously. If it was somewhat light-hearted in it's approach to the plot, you might have been able to embrace it more. For example, when Lincoln's only child dies I felt absolutely nothing, yet this part is supposed to be a driving moment that causes Lincoln to return to his true axe-wielding, vampire hunting ways. But as I said, I felt jack shit about his little bambino biting the dust. In fact you care for no-one in this film, not even the titular character.

When I look back on it, there was also a fair bit of moralising. I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but slavery provides a strong political undertone in this film. And had it been any good I guess I wouldn't have a problem with it. Yet it wasn't, and at that point it just becomes quite offensive and almost makes a complete and utter mockery of one of America's most poignant moments in history - The Emancipation Proclamation.

In fairness the acting was decent. Indeed, Walker makes for a very convincing Abraham Lincoln. However, characters with uninspiring dialogue and no depth are just not worth anyone's attention no matter how well they're portrayed.

Maybe this should have been adapted as a TV series that could rival the current crop of cheesy gorefest vampire dramas such as True Blood. A period piece pitted against the modern whiny lot. And perhaps if it didn't take itself too seriously it might have had a chance. Sadly it's just one of those films where it's so bad, it's just plain bad.